April Memories

Well, I’m pretty certain I’ve been feeling little movements this week. It’s mostly only when I’m laying down on my side at night. I was told at my 12 wk ultrasound that my placenta is anterior, so I’m aware that it may be harder for me to feel movement in these earlier weeks. But, I’m 16 1/2 wks now, and I’m certain these are little movements I’m feeling. Looking forward to when they are more often. Sure thankful for the increasing signs of growing life.

My appointment on Thursday was good. Uterus growing, heartbeat strong in the 160s. I’m still not looking at my weight. HA! I know I’ve slowed down on the weight gain though. When I stopped the progesterone and as my nausea tapered down, I’ve been able to eat more normal foods for me. So, I feel way less bloated, which is a definite plus. Still have nausea at times, but it’s minimal. I did have a very “gaggy” day earlier this week. Random, but it happens!

I have my big anatomy ultrasound scheduled. Since the kids wanted to go, I chose a few days later than they initially offered. So, we’ll be going on my birthday, April 13th. That’s 2 weeks from Monday! The kids are excited. We will be going to the same place that we went for our big ultrasound for each of them. It’s in Austin. My midwife had put a referral in to our local hospital for me, too. But, I really don’t want to pay them anymore money honestly. I knew our insurance was likely out of network for the Austin place that we like so much, and it is, but they have a cash pay that is discounted. Stephen was fine with the discounted pay and said, “Let’s do it!” I’m so excited! Praying all appears to be developing normally. We still are planning to NOT find out the gender, much to many people’s disappointment. Sorry. Not sorry.

So, as we end March, I’ve been a little anxious about April. April was a really awful month last year. It was 2 days after my birthday that we discovered that Tiny was no longer alive. Then, we had Easter, which is a great day, but I remember that day as a day I was carrying a baby inside of me that was not alive. So much crying during church that day. Then, early on Monday morning after Easter was when Tiny was born. Then, 8 days later, nearly hemorrhaging to death. ~Sigh~ So, this year, how Easter falls, it just seems like the whole month is just…well, I’ve talked about writing the whole month off! I’m praying that the anticipation of the month will be worse than the actual month.

I’ve talked about this with my counselor, my midwife, and Stephen, and a couple of friends. It’s such an interesting place to be—thrilled to have new life growing, but yet still grieving a life (really 2 lives) that didn’t get to stay with us. My counselor said that I just need to allow myself to grieve as it comes. It is ok and healthy to do so. I am praying that next April, we have a sweet baby enjoying the month with us. We’d love for you to keep us in your prayers as April comes.

So, I’ll end this post with a conversation with Colby last night. That boy. So, he now calls the baby “she,” as he’s convinced (at least for now) that the baby is a girl. Last night, he said he stated that this baby had lived longer than our other babies, to which I agreed, and so he felt like this one we would get to have with us on earth. I told him I was sure praying that was so! Then, we had mentioned to the kids that the baby could hear now. So, that led to them singing and saying prayers with their mouths right on my tummy. Haha, love that! Colby asked if the baby could feel hugs from us yet. I said probably not. I said that I was feeling little movements now though. He was like, “Oh, I wish I could have a baby in my tummy!” I said, yea, well, only girls get to carry babies in their tummies. I told him that he would then have to give birth to the baby, and in a boy…well, that might mean it’d have to come out of his penis (yes, we use the actual terms in our house). He was like, oooohhh, that would hurt, and then it (his penis) might break apart and (in a whisper he said) become a vagina! It was all I could do to keep from rolling on the floor in laughter! Oh the conversations with that boy at night. Cracks me up.

Anyway, thank you for continued prayers for us. We have felt the prayers this entire pregnancy. We are thankful for such wonderful friends and family to journey alongside us.

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One Response to April Memories

  1. Mom says:

    Wanting you to know that we pray for all of you every night. We look forward to the time when the wee one you are now feeling movements of joins us.

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