No, I Don’t

Some have suggested, “She has depression.” I think some have read into my journaling thoughts without any depth of thought, or maybe too much depth of thought. I do feel if you have never been through the death of a child at any stage, you cannot speak to this at all. I am sad, of course, but not irrationally sad. It has made me question lots of things, but that can be a good thing. “Situational” depression would be the only thing you could possibly say, but that’s not even a technical term in psychiatry.

I think the problem is that many are uncomfortable with honest sharing of feelings in today’s world. And, a large majority of people think you’re supposed to just “get over” the death of a baby quickly. If it’s longer than a few weeks, then surely something must be wrong with you. Well, that’s just not true. This is the plight in the baby loss world. Do a little reading and you’ll learn that I’m not so abnormal after all. I’m just more open than maybe you’ve encountered before. Consider yourself enlightened to a new realm of loss. You’re welcome. 🙂

I am seeing a counselor, and she in no way considered my feelings or thoughts abnormal or irrational. I’ll continue to go to her to talk things out. Of course, pregnancy following loss adds a whole new dimension. It is terrifying. A grief journey is different for everyone, and you can in no way compare mine to yours.

Just because I have pulled away from some relationships doesn’t mean I’m depressed. There have been some really hurtful things said, and try as I might, I just cannot unplay those things in my head. In turn, I have developed some truly beautiful relationships. This is life. Different seasons of life bring you closer or possibly further from different people.

I appreciate the concern, but I’m continuing to plod along, moving a little further along each day. I may not be putting much energy into my relationship with you for a reason. Not being hateful at all. There is a lot of energy that goes into grieving, and now trying to enjoy a new growing life, all while continuing to be a wife and mother. That doesn’t always leave much for others. One day, I pray I’ll be able to pour into others much more again. Right now, I need to be poured into with love, grace, and compassion, and patience. 🙂

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