Joynerzone

Do people still read family blogs? I imagine the social media world took over the place of blogging years ago. However, I’m wondering if it might be better to return to this type platform. I haven’t typed a blog entry for nearly 6 years!

Is it even worth returning to this type of sharing? I do not share on social media as I once did. There was just too much noise from everyone else. It was time-consuming. It was addictive. It was mindless…yet it consumed my mind! Fascinating, right?

Well, here’s to a {possible} start to blogging. I’m not committed, that’s for sure! But, this little entry will serve as the place-marker.

Three years today. That’s when your tiny body was born, gently cushioned within the watery home which was to be yours for a few months more. Your profile in that sac, floating in clear waters, was so perfect. It was hard to believe that your body was lifeless. You were tiny, but you had cute little arms and legs, already had all your fingers and toes, two teeny ears, dark eyes, and your nose forming. Your spine was so clear through the translucent skin. Your mouth appeared to be smiling. We took so many pictures of you, like any doting parent, just so we could never forget that you were real. You were not a figment of our imagination.

You entered early in the morning after a day full of Easter activities. We had been anxiously anticipating your arrival after learning your heart was no longer beating 6 days before. Our family Easter pictures the day before included you within my womb, but you were really already in another home. It all felt surreal. We were heartbroken and utterly devastated. I can still feel the incredibly deep ache of those days and weeks to follow. Oh, it all felt so dark.

As I think of you, I wonder what those sweet little features would’ve grown into. Would those dark eyes be blue like your siblings? Would that nose look like mama’s or daddy’s? I felt like you were going to be another little boy, but were you really a girl? Were you the sister Abriella had been desiring? It was just a little too early to tell for sure. Would you start out blond and then end up dark headed like your sister and brothers? What would your cry sound like? What would your little voice have to say as you grew? What would your name be? We left your name as Tiny Joyner –that is what your siblings named you when they learned of you weeks before. I’ve often had thoughts of changing your name to something else, as your impact in our lives has never felt tiny at all! Oh, sweet baby, I know that God has the perfect name for you! What is it, dear one? I have had so many dreams and thoughts about you.

I don’t know these details about you, but your heavenly Father knows more about you than I could ever fathom. He knew all of your days before there were any. He knew you wouldn’t be with us long before you were with us at all. You have another sibling that also went to heaven ahead of you. I imagine you have met. Oh, I just wonder what it’s like in heaven! Is it just amazing?! I know it must be! While I miss you both, I know that you want for nothing. You lack nothing. This world was never meant to be your home. This world is not my home either, but I must pass through for a little while longer.

Sweet Tiny Joyner, today is a day that I will never forget. The ache that was once so heavy is lighter now. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord.* These words used to sting so badly. The tears burned hot. Now, I can read them with more understanding. The tears now don’t fall like they once did. Your place in our family may not be evident to many, but it is precious to me. God used you in mighty ways to show us so much more about Himself. One day, I pray that I will get to see my Lord and Savior face to face. I want to see what you see. For you, I imagine today was as amazing as any day in heavenly eternity. It’s truly beyond my comprehension for now. One day, it will all be clear. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.**

I love you, sweet one! Three years closer.

*Job 1:21 **1 Corinthians 13:12

Ok, here’s to more catch-up.

Nov 2: Nice day to do school outside.

Ok, so first off, we have had a MAJOR life event that occured at the end of January into February that landed Ridley in the hospital for 6 nights. We are still following up on all of that. I plan to try to fully document that here, too, so I can remember details later, too. But, let me try to go back and attempt to catch up. HA! I’m 5 months behind on pictures! Oy! Best hop to it, right?!

Sept 29: Love when babies sleep in the froggy position. ♥ We’ve been busy today, so we’re finally taking a rest at home.

Oct 1: Tomorrow, Charlie will be 6 wks old! What?! Went for our appt today.  Sandra has been my amazing Certified Nurse-Midwife with Ridley, through our two losses, and with Charlie. We have been so incredibly blessed by her! She’s not just a midwife, but an amazing friend, a shoulder to cry on, and so much more! Bethaney was with us for this birth and her sweet encouragement was just perfect. Our family is so thankful for these ladies!

Oct 2: It matters not what filter (if any) that I use, the dark circles under my eyes remain (I even have makeup on). Would I like more sleep? Absolutely. Does having a sweet baby sleep on me get old? No way. Am I thankful? Without a doubt.

Oct 4: My favorite part of this picture is hard to see but check out the leg rolls forming at the bottom of the picture! Grow baby, grow!

Oct 5: Getting more chins everyday! ♥

Oct 6: We are more likely to catch the sleepy smiles on camera than the awake ones right now. I love them all!

Oct 8: A little extra time before preschool well spent. 🙂

Oct 8: Who slept a 5 hr stretch last night that mommy got to enjoy, too?! Yep, this sweet boy! (4 hrs x 2 the night before!). I know better than to expect this on a regular basis, but we’ll take it when we can!

Oct 8: Didn’t get a picture before it went to school and lost the oars on the other side, but this is the Viking ship Abriella made all by herself for a history project. Proud of her hard work (and thankful for art camp that taught her how to work with clay!).

Oct 9: Charlie slept over 7 hrs straight last night! I only woke up a few times during that stretch, so I’m feeling pretty good!! God knew I needed some better sleep, especially while Stephen was gone. Thank you, God!! And, a picture just for kicks. Charlie loves to look at himself in the mirror.

Oct 10: Daddy strategically took Charlie… So we are playing a little settlers of catan.

Oct 12: Fun doing a fall craft with friends this morning! This was with the Farnham family. We first met them a few years ago when we did Kindermusik at their house. They have grown by 2 since then (now have 5). Wonderful christian family!

Oct 14: Good morning!!

Oct 15: National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day: A sister Hope Mom. Thankful for the relationships with some beautiful and strong mamas! (My friend Emily Copeland)

More from Oct 15:

This morning, as I was waiting on balloons for tonight, I was talking with the lady blowing up the balloons. Charlie was with me and she asked about him. I said he was my 4th, not even wanting to get into what the balloons were for. Sometimes, i just don’t want to go there. She said she had 2 and they were 9 years apart. Something immediately inside me felt like there was a story in that.

I kept quiet and we continued to talk about babies. She then went on to “randomly” share that she had dealt with infertility and years of failed treatments before her 2nd was conceived naturally. Ah… I then shared that the balloons were actually for babies lost, and that we had 2 not with us. She was so sweet, compassionate, and not awkward at all, and recognized how Charlie was such a blessing. She was actually familiar with the significance of today. She then blew a kiss to the balloons, and said “Mmm, sending them off with love.” It was obvious she meant it.

Oct 16: These two. Not sure you can find a bigger fan of Charlie than Colby.

Oct 17: Sweet baby breaths in my neck. I don’t want to take any of it for granted. ♥

Oct 19: Enjoyed a cool walk this morning.

Oct 20: One sleeping, one crying. (both rear-facing in their seats)

Oct 21: Different strategy for our morning walk today.

Oct 21:

2 months today! Boy, is this guy ever growing!! Not sure how much he weighs currently. He was 10-3 at a day shy of 6 wks. So, I’d say he’s 12lbs or more, but we don’t have our appt for another 9 days.

He’s smiling a lot these days. He eats a lot–clearly. He loves to look at himself in his mirror beside his changing pad. He will not take a bottle yet, so we’ll keep trying at that one. He still is not a huge fan of the car, which is unfortunate. He coos. He loves his siblings a lot.

Sept 11th. I posted this to facebook.

Homeschool days are a bit (maybe a lot) longer right now. As fatigue increases, patience seems to decrease. But, I continue to see God working in me and our kids. I may mess up a lot, but I know God has me in His loving, oh so patient hand. Thankful that my kids are very forgiving to their tired, cranky mama. These pics remind me of the sweet moments amongst the “not-so-sweet” moments (that certainly don’t make it to the facebook!).

Thankful that the daughter drew this sweet picture of her family when sent to her room the other day during a frustrating homeschool time.

Charlie doesn’t like to be left out of homeschool!

Here are more pictures!

Sept 4

So relaxed! Sweet baby boy!

Sept 5th

First Movie Experience!

Cousins Visit

Pappa and Gammy Visit (holding him)

Sept 6th

A little diaper cover with a prefold

Sept 8th: Sleeping through Gymnastics and Happy Due Date!

Sept 9th: So nice to have lots of baby holders!

 

So tired and blessed! Sept 10th.

So, I post a lot of picture on facebook. I want to add those here, too. These are from back in August.

August 24th:

August 26th: Mutual Admiration Club.

August 27th: Smiles while sleeping. Brotherly Love.

August 30th: Not the first time he’s found his thumb.

August 31st: Napping beside mommy in bed. Found thumb again.

More pictures to come!