Yesterday (Tuesday), I went to get another ultrasound. I wasn’t concerned that anything was wrong, but there is a certain level of anxiety that naturally comes with pregnancy after loss. So, I called to see if they would take a look, and they happily worked me in!
So, I was 8 wks exactly yesterday, and our sweet baby measured at 8 wks 1 day. Also, the heartbeat measured at 167 beats per minute at the time of the picture. It was so awesome to see how much the baby has grown in just a couple of weeks. It was sooo easy to see the heart beating. Last time, it was kind of like, ok, we believe you because you know what you’re looking at. But, it was hard to see. Here’s the picture this time.
I am pretty nauseous much of the time. And, the fatigue is hitting more and more. I slept a bit during homeschool today. HA! Oops. The wonderful thing is that Stephen is awesome and cooks me breakfast every morning and brings it to me in bed. That helps tremendously to have something in my tummy before attempting to get out of bed. He has done this so well through each pregnancy. Well, the first one, I pretty much had to get up all the time because I was working. That was a trying pregnancy indeed.
Anyway, we are thankful for all the nausea and fatigue and dizziness (that is from the progesterone pills). We are also thankful that we chose to share with the world basically from the get-go. We want all of you to love this baby as much as we do, and to pray us through this.
I was talking to my counselor tonight, and discussing the vacillating emotions in a pregnancy after loss. You want to somehow protect your heart in case the ugliness occurs again. But, you are already so in love with this being that you can’t imagine losing another precious child. I didn’t even share exactly how far along I was or even my due date until some blatantly asked me yesterday. In my head, I’m still having a hard time seeing that far into the future. I am just taking each day 1 at a time, and celebrating this growing life each day. I am praying to get close to that due date and greet this child earthside, but only God knows the outcome.
When people talk about how amazing it will be when this sweet baby is born, I hesitate because I want to hope, but it’s hard to think that way just yet. This is the struggle in pregnancy after loss. And, it’s normal. I have and am reading some amazing books/devos of pregnancy after loss, and as I read them, I think, whoa, that is EXACTLY how I feel! And, someone I do not know wrote a book about this. So, that normalizes my feelings once again.
Anyway, so far, we are trotting right along. The kids are so in love this this baby already as well. It is precious and scary all at the same time. What if their heartfelt prayers aren’t answered in the way they are desiring? That is hard for us as adults to deal with, but to walk with your kids through that is even more challenging. They pray every night that this baby is strong and grows, grows, grows (Colby says that most nights) and gets to live with us here on earth. Then, Ridley has his own baby in his tummy. 😉 Sweet 3 yr old boy!
Well, that’s the update for now. This baby is being prayed for soooo much by so many people. Please continue to pray for us and our sweet baby.